"SOMETIMES PAPER IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL LISTEN TO YOU..."
A close friend of mine sent me those words via text message a few months ago, and it has never escaped my thoughts. My paper and pen have been in a committed marriage for the past 17 years. I'm telling you they've been head-over-heels in love with eachother since the fall of 1994. Only to be guilty of blameless infidelity -- from diaries, journals, five-star notebooks, composition books, and notepads...to bic, papermate, mead, and ballpoint pens...black ink, blue ink, red ink...whatever it takes to articulate my mind & heart onto paper. Writing is my outlet and it has proven to be my most resourceful avenue of venting.
As strange as it may sound, I find comfort in knowing that paper will ALWAYS listen. Whenever I see a plain piece of paper, especially notebook paper, I envision it as a color blind canvas waiting to be painted with the whispers of my vivid imagination. Each line has its own desire to be filled with life, while urgently relying on my pen. Even without an audible voice, my paper still provides tangible feedback. My words feed the sound of a glass that's half empty. Most times I am so eager to grab a pen and jot down my thoughts on paper because I know that there's an unspoken understanding, literally. Paper has a rhetorical ear with fair reasoning. It all makes sense from beginning to end. And perhaps, if it doesn't, whether it's through frustration or freedom you can always start over. One of my most daunting flaws is a fear of being misundersood. I absolutely dread it -- to the point where I allow it to cripple me at times. I am guilty of allowing my past and my fear to hinder my progress while in pursuit of my dreams. Sometimes circumstances from the past are still very present. No matter how much you force it to the back of your mind, somehow, it still appears at the forefront. Unfortunately, time cannot be rewinded. By way of some harsh realities, I realized that my thinking had become paralyzed and my mind was screaming for liberation. In addition, blogging about this certainly isn't the easiest thing to do. Maybe someone reading these words can relate to my perspective. I sure do hope so!
Paper and pen are the only two things that possess the ultimate means of entry into my deepest feelings, thoughts, desires, fears, triumphs, etc... I usually don't allow "people" to trespass, but in the rare instance I do, I request that you proceed with caution. At your own risk, but please keep in mind it's fragile, handle with care. I can't predict any exits. All I know is that my introduction and conclusion is purpose. Me. Everything else in between is left to be discovered on my path.
Ever-evolving & En route to my destiny...
~Nia
