"SOMETIMES PAPER IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL LISTEN TO YOU..."
A close friend of mine sent me those words via text message a few months ago, and it has never escaped my thoughts. My paper and pen have been in a committed marriage for the past 17 years. I'm telling you they've been head-over-heels in love with eachother since the fall of 1994. Only to be guilty of blameless infidelity -- from diaries, journals, five-star notebooks, composition books, and notepads...to bic, papermate, mead, and ballpoint pens...black ink, blue ink, red ink...whatever it takes to articulate my mind & heart onto paper. Writing is my outlet and it has proven to be my most resourceful avenue of venting.
As strange as it may sound, I find comfort in knowing that paper will ALWAYS listen. Whenever I see a plain piece of paper, especially notebook paper, I envision it as a color blind canvas waiting to be painted with the whispers of my vivid imagination. Each line has its own desire to be filled with life, while urgently relying on my pen. Even without an audible voice, my paper still provides tangible feedback. My words feed the sound of a glass that's half empty. Most times I am so eager to grab a pen and jot down my thoughts on paper because I know that there's an unspoken understanding, literally. Paper has a rhetorical ear with fair reasoning. It all makes sense from beginning to end. And perhaps, if it doesn't, whether it's through frustration or freedom you can always start over. One of my most daunting flaws is a fear of being misundersood. I absolutely dread it -- to the point where I allow it to cripple me at times. I am guilty of allowing my past and my fear to hinder my progress while in pursuit of my dreams. Sometimes circumstances from the past are still very present. No matter how much you force it to the back of your mind, somehow, it still appears at the forefront. Unfortunately, time cannot be rewinded. By way of some harsh realities, I realized that my thinking had become paralyzed and my mind was screaming for liberation. In addition, blogging about this certainly isn't the easiest thing to do. Maybe someone reading these words can relate to my perspective. I sure do hope so!
Paper and pen are the only two things that possess the ultimate means of entry into my deepest feelings, thoughts, desires, fears, triumphs, etc... I usually don't allow "people" to trespass, but in the rare instance I do, I request that you proceed with caution. At your own risk, but please keep in mind it's fragile, handle with care. I can't predict any exits. All I know is that my introduction and conclusion is purpose. Me. Everything else in between is left to be discovered on my path.
Ever-evolving & En route to my destiny...
~Nia
Wow!!! I love it pbj!! Ur describing my LIFE!!! I love ur writing...proud of u!
ReplyDeleteSo sitting here reading this, and tweeting you, u just had to be a fly on the wall n the house... Wow, you are not alon on this one Auntie, seriously I think its an Aries thing, I feel like I NVR get my point across, only through singing... but anyways, I loved this w/o a doubt loving what your doing with ur anointing Your on your way! <3
ReplyDeleteHey sis! It is so easy to spill your life on a blank page. It's so inviting. This speaks to the many moments of clarity that I, myself has had while deep in my thoughts. It was a pleasure knowing that I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteLol I have a piece I did called "I love my pen" its my bestfriend that only tells what is meant to be shared & witholds the secrets I trust it not to confide. Very good stuff!!!
ReplyDeletereaders such myself know that we're not alone and that a gifted writer such as yourself has a way of flawlessly conveying those thoughts and emotions. I feel as though whenever I write I don't have to be afraid of how I feel. I can be bold and step out of my comfort zone. I hope I can one day become half the writer that you are. PHENOMENAL!!! Keep at this sis!
ReplyDeleteWOW!! IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER & BETTER!! YOU ARE DESTINED FOR GREATNESS! THE ONLY ONE HOLDING YOU BACK IS YOU!! STEP OUT ON FAITH & WATCH GOD WORK! THIS HERE SPEAKS VOLUMES TO SO MANY THAT ARE AFRAID TO ADMIT & DARE TO SHARE! THIS IS TRULY FOOD FOR THE SOUL! AGAIN I SAID THE WORLD AWAITS YOU!! IT'S TIME!!
ReplyDeleteYour writing frees, Nia just as much as it frees nia. The articulation with which you write, many can only speak. The clarity of your words you use, many can only type. But, you live them. You allow your words to mold you and expose you to readers like myself that count on other's verbage to accurately sort through the things in their mind; to writers like myself that enjoy seeing how the worlds of writing and feeling combine.
ReplyDeleteI believe you've found your solace. Don't divert. For truly your purpose is wrapped up in your desires. Your desire to write; your desire to be heard; your desire to be free beyond all doubt. So, listen paper, canvas, notebook, bic, mead, ink of all colors! Listen to purpose, as she frees.