READY OR NOT ~ HERE I COME!!!

While listening to the relaxing vibrations of soundscapes, thoughts of serenity almost always immediately follow. Contrastly, evidence of my reality seems to trigger something in my heart. One of my biggest inspirations when it comes to writing is Maya Angelou. Her words pierce my soul, no exaggeration, I've never felt so infinitely influenced by a human being. For years I'd think my reason for feeling connected to her was solely based on our common craving to fill a blank piece of paper with a rainbow of colors. It wasn't until recently that I realized it's so much deeper than that. Maya Angelou's life, whether told in written form or shared verbally in her own words, is a picture of reality. Not just her reality, but mine as well. I'm not saying our lives mirror eachother, not verbatim. But even if it's mostly metaphorically, it's true indeed. 

I don't want to go against the first confession of the infamous speech of empowerment, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate." However, I have to be honest and say that, actually, that IS my deepest fear. Now, don't miscontrue my words or anything, I am in no way saying that I operate or live my life in fear. But what I am saying is that when I search deep within myself sometimes I find that I am afraid to a certain extent. When it comes to my writing, especially my poetry, I fear that I will be judged harshly by the world who reads it. It's my desire to be understood, relatable, and even a point of identical contact for someone else in the world who may be feeling the same way regarding what's written. I dare not say I'm afraid of success, because who'd be crazy enough to admit such a thing?! (yeah right)... Maybe not to you, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I'm reminded of something the Notorious BIG once said, "more money, more problems." I've never taken that at face value only. It's not just about the dollar, in my opinion, it has more to do with the obligation, accountability, and responsibility. Looking in the mirror of my heart I recognized that of course I desire to be successful, wealthy, and all the good things that come with the territory. So where's my dilemma? Where's the fear of being inadequate? It's more so in my mind than anywhere else. So a lot of times I find that my heart and my mind conflict. It's like a tug of war, if you will, a battle of the strongest will. 

In my heart I know that I am beyond capable to execute everything involving my purpose with excellence. It's possible. It's going to happen. I've made a conscious decision to look within and face "it" :: my "it" may be similar or different than yours, but they are all walls waiting to be conquered. It's a continual decision, a constant renewal. I have faith, I believe. And that far exceeds any level of fear. That's why I'm not only stepping out on this limb called life, I'm standing on that limb. I will remain standing, strongly planting my feet on each movement. My foundation is firm, and my roots are not removable. Time is of the essence. It is extremely essential. The time is now, right now! So...ready or not...HERE I COME!!!     

From my heart,

~Nia